Are Your New Year's Resolutions Supporting or Preventing You from a Successful Life Abroad?

I chose to wait to post this blog post until February. The reason?  Many people make at least one New Year's resolution. Research shows that over 45% of people who make New Year's reoslutions break them by the end of the first month.

 

Why is this important to point out? 

 

There are actually many reasons, but three big reasons are:

 

1) Making and honoring commitments to yourself is a good habit to be developed. This habit helps you grow personally and professionally and is essential to helping you reach your goals.

 

2) The way that many people make New Year's resolutions tends to set themselves up to fail - fail to honor their commitment. (More on that in a moment.) Those that make them and then shortly afterwards break them are sending a message to themselves that they can't keep commitments.  If that becomes a belief, then that belief can become a self fulfilling prophecy. They may stop making commitments in order to avoid feeling disappointed in themselves.  Or they make commitments and then not keep them because deep down they believe they are not able.

 

3) If you want to overcome the challenges necessary to become an expat, or the challenges expats face when trying to make changes in their career or business, you must make and honor commitments to yourself. Learning and intentions are valuable, but without action your desired changes will not materialize.

 

In the interest in supporting you in overcoming challenges faced by most expatriates, I would like to ask you to investigate how you make New Year commitments to yourself. Hopefully my recommendations will help you build the muscle of making the right commitments and honoring them - and hence realize your professional goals while living abroad.

Ask yourself:

 

1) Were the commitments I made to myself ones that I really wanted, or were they something I thought I "should" do?  

 

We are often driven by the "shoulds" when making commitments.  If we really don't want to do something, we won't do it.  We may begin to take action but we won't sustain it for the long term.  Research tells us external motivating forces are not enough to drive consistent performance.  Only truly internal motivations do. So scratch any commitments driven by a "should" (I should save money. I should get that Internationally focused MBA. I should learn Chinese.) off your commitment list to set yourself up for success.

 

2) Were the commitments I made to myself realistic?

 

We often bite off more than we can chew when it comes to making commitments because we desire a big change.  (I'm going to lose 40 pounds in 4 months.  I am going to save 10,000 USD in three months.  I will learn to speak Spanish in 3 months.)  If you break down what would be required on a day to day basis in order for you to honor your commitment and it is truly doable, then it's likely realistic.  If not, it's time to rethink.  Do I need more time?  Do I need more support?  How can I "right size" the commitment so that it is actually possible for me to honor it?

 

3) Do I have all of the knowledge, resources, time and/or support I need to honor the commitments?

 

Often we make a commitment but we are not sure of exactly how to make it happen. (I'm going to find a job in Italy.  I'm going to increase my online revenues by 30% this year.) Do you truly understand what is involved and how to execute every step along the way? If not, chances are you won't honor your commitment. If in breaking down the commitment into steps and you see you are missing required resources, knowledge, support or time, perhaps adjusting your commitment to actually acquire what you need would help you reach this ultimate goal.

 

4) Do I know what honoring that commitment looks like?

 

(I want to grow my network globally or in my country of choice.  I want to do research to understand my target industry in the region of the world in which I work.) Commitments can look like different things to different people. How do you know that you've actually honored that commitment if you can't describe what it would be like if you did? Being specific as possible, including setting a deadline, will allow you to know if you've honored a commitment or not.

 

5) Is it reasonable to expect that the action required to honor the commitment can be sustained for the time period i've chosen?

 

Research tells us that we have a much better chance of honoring commitments or deadlines when they are short-term.  For some people, a week is enough to keep them focused and motivated. For others, two weeks to a month is possible. Ask yourself how long will it take to truly honor your commitment.  If it's more than a month, can you break that commitment into smaller sub-commitments that can be met within a two week to a month long time frame?  If so, make adjustments accordingly.

 

6) Is my commitment in alignment with my values?

 

Our values are what are important to us. They drive our decision making. They are important to honor if we want to achieve personal and professional satisfaction.  When we do something that violates our values we experience stress and even anger.  So if your commitment is in conflict with a value, every step you take to honor it will bring about some sort of stress.  After enough stress, most people will simply give up.

 

For example one of my values is freedom.  If I make a commitment that is going to take away one of my freedoms (freedom of choice with how I use my time, freedom for how I go about approaching my work or supporting my clients) then I know ultimately I will not be wiling to do what it takes to honor it because it will cause me too much stress.

 

Unclear if a commitment violates your values? First, get clear on what your values are - often that is enough to make things fairly obvious.

 

If after naming them you still need help, read the commitment to yourself slowly or say it out loud. Imagine yourself taking the actions to honor it. As you are reading/saying/imagining it, do you experience stress?  Does your body feel closed or open? Do you feel energized or drained?  If you don't get a definitive reaction, slowly review the steps required to honor that commitment.  What feelings show up for you? That will give you some clues as to whether or not your commitment is an expression of your values or violates them.  

 

 

YOUR EXPAT SUCCESS TIP: Once you have asked yourself ALL of these questions above, consider rewriting your New Year's resolutions as short-term, realistic, internally driven, sustainable, value-aligned commitments to yourself. Alternatively, make some new commitments to yourself that will set yourself up for success and allow you to develop the muscle of honoring commitments critical to building a successful career or business abroad.

Comments

[Nike Shox TW]

Because of you outstanding article, I wait a moment for appreciating it. So cool. You do so good. Thank you fo sharing this.

[Sophie]

If you are decided and determined to do something I think nothing can stop you from doing it... and in the first place why would you make a new years resolution that is against your plan in going abroad or what so ever? So ridiculous, isn't it" You are just confusing yourself if you do that.